Why Is My Sex Drive Low?

Let's talk about something we often keep quiet about, but which deserves to be discussed openly and honestly (out loud!): your sex drive, your libido, your sex drive—simply how often you feel like having sex. We probably all know what it feels like to have absolutely no desire. It feels strange, and you might wonder what the hell is wrong with you. Whether it's due to stress, relationship problems, or simply the ebb and flow of life— a dip in your sex drive is more common than you think .

Low libido affects both men and women, and it's usually nothing to worry about. Everyone has their own libido, and it's perfectly normal to experience a slight drop in interest sometimes.

But if a lack of interest in sex is something you're worried about, it's important to explore it. Only then can you discover what you need to do to rekindle that spark.

In this post, we'll delve into the potential causes of low libido and show you what can help you rediscover that sensual being within. So grab a cup of tea, find a cozy spot, and let's discuss this topic with empathy, understanding, and a lot of hope. Because when it comes to our bodies and our desires, it's time to empower yourself, embrace yourself, and look at yourself with love.

What is sex drive or libido?

But what exactly is your sex drive? Your sex drive, also known as your libido, is essentially your desire for sex. Just as you crave your favorite snack or meal when you get hungry, your body has a natural inclination toward sexual intimacy.

Some sexual health experts classify sexual desire into two types: spontaneous and responsive.

Spontaneous desire is when the urge for sex appears out of nowhere, like a sudden craving for a snack. Many experts in this field say that spontaneous desire doesn't exist, or that it's very different for men and women, to put it mildly.

On the other hand, responsive desire occurs when you begin to feel desire after being sexually stimulated, such as during foreplay, a photo, a conversation, a glance, or intimacy with your partner. It's important to know that everyone's experience of desire is unique, and understanding these different types can help you manage your own desires with a little more clarity.

Spontaneous desire

We often associate this kind of longing with teenagers or our wild and carefree twenties. You know, those moments when you feel an intense longing for intimacy that seemingly comes out of nowhere?

Not familiar? Don't worry: not everyone experiences spontaneous desire throughout their life. And even if you do have it, that spontaneous libido usually stops after your teens and twenties.

If you've never experienced such spontaneous desire, you're probably primarily a responsive desire. You only get aroused in response to sexual stimulation, and that's wonderful, because there's a whole world of reactive libido waiting to be explored.

Responsive desire

Now let's talk about the fascinating world of responsive desire (reactive libido). As the name suggests, this type of libido comes alive in response to external stimuli.

Imagine getting completely aroused while watching a steamy lovemaking scene in a movie, or feeling that delicious spark from someone you're deeply attracted to. That's where responsive desire comes into play.

Here's an interesting discovery: some women who think they have low libido may simply have switched from spontaneous desire to this more responsive desire. And you know what? That's perfectly fine! Realizing this can be a game-changer, because it helps many women understand that they are not broken or deficient in any way.

If you're someone with responsive desire, you have the key to discovering the things that make your body react! So embrace the wonders of this libido and embark on a journey of discovery to find what truly ignites your passion.

Symptoms of low libido

Low libido can have several causes. It's a personal experience, and there's no set symptom that defines it exactly.

But if you find yourself disinterested in sexual activity, including solo sessions with yourself, or if your steamy fantasies and thoughts are nowhere to be found, then you're perfectly justified in being concerned.

Your feelings matter. Acknowledging your desire for greater fulfillment is the first step in addressing the problem. So take a deep breath and move forward. Remember, knowledge is power, and we're here to help you every step of the way.

What makes you want to have sex?

Let's take a look at the mysterious forces that shape our libido. Brace yourself, because the list of factors that can boost or destroy your sex drive is almost endless.

Let's dive into the exciting phase called infatuation , where desire for each other reaches its peak in the early stages of a relationship. Remember that time when you couldn't keep your hands off each other?

Let's face it: such passionate longing and infatuation only lasts about six months to two years. What happens when this phase fades? Yes: responsive libido. Instead of waiting for spontaneous desire to strike, you can rely on the power of receptivity to arouse your desires.

Another bit of wisdom backed by research : reading about sex works wonders. In a study of about 50 married women aged 30 to 55 who reported a decreased libido, half of them read a sex self-help book for women, while the other half indulged in a women's erotica book.

And guess what? In both groups, the women who completed the study reported greater sexual satisfaction, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, and overall sexual activity, and less sexual pain. It turns out that the subject matter of these books, especially the erotic ones, has a magical effect, arousing readers and triggering their responsive desire.

Learning about the nuances of spontaneous versus responsive desires, the infatuation phase of relationships, and women's sexual pleasure can be quite a transformation. It can open your eyes to the fact that your sex life might not be broken after all.

Possible reasons for low libido

Now let's address the elephant in the room. While a steamy book or a pornographic movie can work wonders, we understand that it might not be the magic bullet for everyone.

Did you know that 1 in 10 women has a condition known as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) ? This involves a persistent and disruptive lack of interest in sex or libido for no apparent reason.

But remember, it's only considered a problem if you're truly experiencing it. So before jumping to conclusions and attributing your problems to HSDD, it's important for doctors to rule out other common reasons for loss of sexual desire. They'll want to explore all possible avenues to ensure they uncover the underlying factors and provide you with the support you need.

Understanding the reasons behind your low libido is the first step to finding the right solutions and regaining your sex drive.

Physical changes

Let's first talk about sexual issues. If you experience pain during sex or difficulty reaching orgasm, it's perfectly normal for your desire to take a hit. Your body deserves to be able to enjoy itself without discomfort or limitations.

Several medical conditions outside of sexuality can also affect your sex drive. Conditions such as arthritis, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, coronary artery disease, and neurological disorders can all play a role in lowering your libido.

Our bodies are interconnected and if one part is affected it can have a domino effect on other aspects of our well-being, including our sex drive.

Oh, and let's not forget medications. Some prescription drugs, especially antidepressants ( selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) ), are known culprits when it comes to lowering your sex drive. It's a difficult balancing act between managing your overall well-being and the potential impact on your desire for intimacy. And did you know that the birth control pill can also affect your libido? Read here how to support your libido while on the pill.

Surgery can also significantly impact your body image, sexual performance, and sex drive. Surgery on your breasts or genitals can also trigger a whirlwind of emotions and physical changes that can affect your self-confidence and overall sexual well-being.

And last but not least, fatigue and stress can also significantly contribute to low libido. Exhaustion from caring for young children or aging parents can leave you feeling drained and lacking the energy for intimacy. Fatigue resulting from illness or surgery can also affect your sex drive.

Remember that your body goes through various changes and challenges throughout your life, and it's perfectly normal for these factors to affect your sex drive. The most important thing is to recognize and acknowledge the impact of these physical changes and seek the support and guidance you need to navigate them. Your sexual well-being is important, and together we can find ways to improve it despite these physical obstacles.

Hormonal changes

Hormones can also work wonders or throw a wrench in the works when it comes to our sex lives. Let's start with the infamous transition to menopause. When estrogen levels drop during this phase, it's not uncommon for your interest in sex to temporarily decrease . You may also experience vaginal dryness, which can make sex painful or uncomfortable. But don't worry, because many women continue to have enjoyable sex during menopause and beyond, so it's perfectly normal to notice a temporary decline in libido during this hormonal shift.

Want to learn more about menopause and perimenopause—the phase your body prepares for? In this article, we'll tell you what it is, what to expect, and what you can do: Let's talk about perimenopause .

And let's also talk about pregnancy and breastfeeding. Hormonal changes during these phases can significantly impact your libido. The fatigue that comes with pregnancy, the ever-changing body image, the stress of pregnancy, the hormones of breastfeeding, or caring for a newborn—yes, the list is endless—can all contribute to shifts in your libido. It's a perfect mix of hormonal fluctuations and life changes that can cause intimacy to be on the back burner for a while.

Don't forget that your cycle can also affect your sex drive. After all, it's also related to hormones. That's why you might notice an increase in your sex drive at certain times of the month. If you'd like to learn more about how your cycle affects your sex drive, read our blog post.

Your well-being

Now let's talk about the fascinating connection between your mind and your sex drive. Your psychological well-being can significantly impact your desire for intimacy. Factors such as mental health issues (think anxiety or depression ), stress (both financial and work-related), poor body image, low self-esteem, or a history of physical or sexual abuse can all contribute to a lower libido.

Understanding these influences is important for addressing and nurturing your sexual well-being. Remember that you are not alone, and that support is available to help you overcome these challenges and rediscover your desire.

Relationship problems

There's a strong connection between a relationship and your libido. For many women, emotional closeness is the foundation of intimacy. Therefore, relationship problems can cast a shadow over your libido. If there's a lack of connection with your partner, unresolved conflicts or arguments (that simmer in the background), poor communication about your sexual needs and preferences, or trust issues, it's no wonder your interest in sex is waning.

Your desire for intimacy is intertwined with the health of your relationship. Addressing these underlying issues can improve your bond and boost your libido.

Remember that open and honest communication, seeking professional guidance when needed, and nurturing emotional connection can do wonders to revive your libido.

For more information on how to naturally boost your sex drive , read our blog post.

How do you get in the mood again?

How can you rekindle that fire? It might be easier than you think.

Your libido is a complex interplay of various factors, from your physical and emotional well-being to your experiences, beliefs, lifestyle, and the state of your current relationship. So if any of these factors are playing tricks on you, it's no wonder your desire for intimacy is on the wane.

Before you go to the doctor to get checked for a physical or medical problem, it's best to take some time for self-education. Understanding your own body and desires can work wonders. And don't underestimate the power of a steamy book or a stimulating movie to get you in the mood.

Exploring different ways to get aroused can help stimulate your senses and reignite that inner fire.

It's also important to consider your stress levels. Stress is a real libido killer that can destroy your desire for intimacy. Explore ways to better manage stress, whether it's meditation, exercise, or help from a therapist. Finding healthy ways to relieve stress can do wonders for your sexual well-being.

Another thing to consider: sometimes what you think is a sex problem can simply be a misconception. Embracing the frequency and intensity of your own sex drive and understanding that everyone's libido is different can be liberating. There's no such thing as a "normal" libido.

Get personal support

If your lack of desire is causing turmoil in your relationship or is worrying you, professional help can help. Remember, you don't have to do this alone. We're here for you and offer personal, expert support and guidance.

Your story is unique and we are here to support you every step of the way.

Visit our support page and find out how to connect with our experts. We can help you find ways to boost your libido, whether it's pointing you to resources, recommending top-quality natural supplements to support your cycle and sex drive, or simply helping you feel heard and understood. We're here for you.

Read or see more?

The Woman in the Mother, by Uwe Porters (available this fall)

The documentary 'My Sex Is Broken' by Lize Korpershoek.

Paths to Sexual Dignity by Maya Schrier-Kerstan

Come as Yourself by Emily Nagoski

Sexual Secrets of Mantak Chia's Wife