How Your Sex Drive Changes Over Time for Women (and Men!)

One moment you might be in the mood for some steamy lovemaking, while at another, you absolutely don't want to have a finger on your body. This is all perfectly normal: your libido isn't constant; it changes constantly. Throughout the month, but also with each life stage. Think of puberty, the postpartum period, or menopause – all these events and life stages have a significant impact on your libido.

During their teenage years, many young people experience "wild hormones" and are busy discovering their own sexuality. It's also the time when many girls start taking the pill (which, in turn, affects their libido).

Your twenties are all about experimentation and self-discovery, and your thirties often bring you a completely different perspective on life, with pregnancy, childbirth, building a career and learning to accept your body for what it is.

As we approach forty, everything changes again, and many women notice a shift in their libido. But it's not just women who experience this change; men also have their own ups and downs, primarily linked to their testosterone levels. These are abundant in their thirties, but gradually decline afterward. What else should you know about your libido in each life stage?

Libido by life stage

Your teenage years

When you think of teenagers, you often picture horny young people constantly preoccupied with everything related to sex. This isn't surprising: hormonal changes during this stage of life trigger an interest in sexuality. These hormones are precisely what mark the onset of puberty.

In women, these hormones cause the ovaries to produce estrogen, which promotes the maturation and release of eggs. In men, these hormones cause the testicles to produce sperm.

Major changes, but what do they mean? They mean that sexuality suddenly becomes a major part of a teenager's life. During this phase, they begin to feel sexually attracted to each other and develop a curiosity about sex and romantic relationships, something that hadn't existed before. This development is a normal part of growing up and leads young people to experiment and explore their bodies.

For many teenage girls, this phase is often the time they start hormonal contraception, such as the pill. And while it's important to prevent unwanted pregnancy, hormonal contraception can affect various processes, including libido. More on that later.

Your twenties

Our twenties are all about the adventure of sexual exploration and self-discovery. This is the time to discover your preferences—what feels good and what kind of person you're attracted to.

During this phase, more women use hormonal contraception, but many also experience "pill fatigue." Reactions to the pill vary from person to person, but some women experience lower testosterone levels while on the pill, which can lead to low libido and vaginal dryness. So, if you're experiencing low libido in your twenties, consult a doctor. They can help you rule out other conditions or, if necessary, change your birth control pill.

That being said, most people—both men and women—tend to have a high sex drive in their twenties. That's because the biological urge to reproduce is in full swing! Men's testosterone levels peak, and women are generally more fertile in their twenties and early thirties.

Some women find that their sex drive is affected by their cycle. When you menstruate, your estrogen levels drop. These rise again during the follicular phase, which increases your libido. Two weeks later, when you ovulate, your sex drive is at its highest (there it is again: that biological urge to procreate!), and after ovulation, that desire can decline again.

Want to learn more about how your cycle affects your libido? Then read our blog post about how your cycle affects your sex drive.

Your thirties

For most people, libido changes in their thirties. It takes on a new dimension, especially for women. These years are often accompanied by major changes and experiences, such as pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood. Hormones and stress can affect your libido.

According to Statista data, the average European woman gives birth by age 30, but we're also seeing a growing number of women aged 35 to 39 having children. Low libido around this age can be related to pregnancy and children.

People sometimes joke that your sex life goes to hell once you have children. That doesn't have to be true, but it's undeniable that things do change. The positive side is that many women become more aware of their bodies as they are and better understand their sexual preferences and desires.

Breastfeeding women can experience even more changes in their libido. This can be due to hormonal changes caused by breastfeeding (increased prolactin, more on that later), but also to physical discomforts such as fatigue, breast tenderness, and being touched out. This varies from person to person, and thankfully, it's temporary. Breastfeeding doesn't mean your libido disappears forever.

The forties and beyond

Turning forty marks the beginning of an interesting time. For women, the approach of perimenopause (the period before menopause) can bring about changes in their cycle. These hormonal changes can also affect your libido.

Most women will reach menopause between the ages of 45 and 55. During this period, known as menopause, your ovaries produce less and less estrogen until you reach menopause and no longer menstruate.

The drop in your estrogen production during perimenopause and menopause can decrease your sex drive and also affect how sex feels: many women experience vaginal dryness.

Meanwhile, for most people, this is still a busy time in life, one in which many experience significant stress: young children or teenagers, a demanding career. All of this plays a significant role in sexual desire.

But thankfully, it's not all doom and gloom. Some women actually feel a bit more liberated and have a higher sex drive – they sometimes even compare it to their twenties! So your forties and beyond can also be a wonderfully sexually liberating time.

You know your body and what you like, so it can be easier to communicate with your partner, creating a new, deeper connection. And once menopause officially begins (a year without a period), you no longer have to worry about getting pregnant, which can be very liberating for many women!

How to Get in the Mood? Men vs. Women

Both men and women may notice that their arousal changes with age. Some sexual health experts categorize sexual desire into two types: spontaneous (you suddenly feel the urge for sex) and responsive (it's a reaction to something).

How you get in the mood changes and is influenced by your life stage, hormonal changes, and relationship dynamics.

If you and your partner experience a different sex drive, you can address the issue by simply talking about it. Knowing what works for you and your partner and talking about it is truly the most important thing. We wrote more about this in our article: Why do I have such a low libido?

Changes in your libido: Men and women over the years

Both men and women experience changes in their libido over time, but there are some differences between the two:

Men

• Lower testosterone : Around the age of 30, men's testosterone levels will gradually decline, which can be linked to lower libido.
• Erectile Dysfunction (ED) : If a man is physically and mentally healthy, there's no reason why he shouldn't continue to enjoy his sex life as he gets older. However, ED becomes more common as men get older. Men experience erections less quickly, and when they do occur, they are less firm. However, this is not so much a matter of age, but often related to health conditions that become more common with age, such as heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol, and obesity, and the medications used to treat these conditions.

Women

• Hormonal influences : Aging for men means a decrease in testosterone and therefore often a lower libido. Women experience this less. It's even possible that a woman in her 30s can actually experience a resurgence in libido. This is because women's sexual desire is influenced by various factors, including hormonal changes during the menstrual cycle.
• Sex drive during fertile years : During the fertile years, many women will notice an increased desire around ovulation. This is partly due to rising estrogen levels.
• Menopausal changes : When women go through menopause, their hormones also change. Some women may also notice this in their libido, as estrogen levels drop. But don't worry: it really varies from person to person, and many women can still have a satisfying sex life after menopause.

While your sex drive during different stages of life is primarily driven by hormones, it's important to realize that it's not the only factor. All sorts of other factors play a role: your physical health, psychological well-being, the quality of your relationship, and even cultural influences.

Desire for sex as a mother

It's a struggle for many women: libido after becoming a mother. It starts during pregnancy. Some women have a huge sex drive, while others have very little, for example, because they're very tired or experiencing physical discomfort. And let's be honest: some positions are simply inconvenient or even impossible when you're (heavily) pregnant. Furthermore, many women feel insecure about their pregnant bodies. This affects their self-confidence, which in turn affects their libido.

After giving birth, hormonal fluctuations, physical recovery, caring for a newborn, lack of sleep, stress, and changes in your body's appearance can put pressure on your sex life.

Okay, breastfeeding plays a major role. When you breastfeed, you produce more prolactin, which can suppress ovulation and lower your estrogen levels. Low estrogen levels can cause vaginal dryness and, in some cases, reduce your sex drive. But again, this varies from woman to woman. Knowing what's happening to your body and being able to discuss this with your partner is truly key during the pregnancy years, and the key to keeping romance alive.

The benefits of a healthy sex life

Your libido isn't a constant. It's normal to have a slight drop in your sex drive sometimes, but if you find yourself never really feeling it, it's important to acknowledge that and take action if necessary.

Studies have shown that sex is good for your health. Sex activates all sorts of neurotransmitters that influence not only your brain but also various other organs in your body.

The benefits of sex include:

• Lower blood pressure
• Better immune system
• Better heart health, possibly lower risk of heart disease
• Improved self-esteem
• Less depression and anxiety
• Higher libido (yes, it's a circle!)
• Natural pain reliever
• Better sleep
• More intimacy and closerness to your sexual partner
• Overall stress reduction, both physical and emotional

If you're worried about whether your libido is normal or have any questions, chat with us. Our experts are here to help. Don't feel inhibited; there's no taboo. We're all human, and you're not alone. Prefer to read more? Find more inspiration below!